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Everything on this site is copyright Natalie d'Arbeloff.
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CONTACT:
endapress AT blueyonder DOT co DOT uk
September 2 , 2010
RECENT PORTRAITS
Note: Something's gone wrong with the width of this blog. It looks normal when I'm working on it in Dreamweaver as usual but when I upload, it spreads out so wide it's ridiculous. Can you tell me whether you see it normal width or stretched way out, almost beyond screen borders? Have tried everything to adjust but nothing works. Any techy suggestions?
Just to show I'm not sitting around brooding guiltily all the time, heh heh, here are some recent portraits done for the ongoing Julia Kay's Portrait Party. If you go to my Flickr page you can see bigger versions by clicking on each picture. And I'm nearly nearly done with the big Prism painting.
September 1 , 2010
GUILT PURSUED
The thoughtful comments to the last post here and at my mirror blog are forcing me to look further into this murky topic. Having established that what my own particular guilt-harpy keeps harping about is that I'm guilty of Squandering My Gifts and Not Living Up to My Potential the logical next question is: what exactly are these gifts or potential which I'm supposedly not living up to? Do they exist at all or are they yet another mirage? Another false concept plugged into my brain by the competitive, egocentric, celebrity-obsessed culture we live in?
Well, you know, maybe. But I don't think so. What I think, what I know gut-wise, is that I really do have gifts I'm not using. It's not vanity or arrogance to say so because gifts are gifts and the real reason why the exasperating little guilt-bug keeps buzzing around me is because it knows that I know that I'm built to fly but settle for crawling - I crawl very well but that ain't flying - and I'm designed to burn bright but settle for flickering, a flicker flicker here, a flicker there.
You may say ah, but that's what we are: crawling, flickering creatures, doing our best against all the odds. Well if that's what you'll say, I'll have to disagree. Because what I really know down in my deepest of deep guts is that many of us have a locked cellar full of unused gifts - or maybe just one unused gift. It's not a thing, not even a talent, but a degree of feeling. It doesn't necessarily mean achievement or success in worldly terms. It means being willing to risk flying, Icarus-like.
August 30, 2010
GUILT
Are you pursued by it? Does it wake you in the morning and stand over your bed at night, sometimes even following you into your dreams? Is it beside you as you sit at your computer screen right now, asking why you're not doing something you should be doing? Has it whined inside your head so often and for so long that you take it for granted, like the ticking of a clock or a tickle in the throat? Very like the ticking of a clock since it keeps on nagging about all the time you've wasted in the past, are wasting now and will waste in future.
Can you tell that by YOU I mean ME? Does your guilt ressemble my guilt? No? If you are one of the fortunate few who can do that living-in-the-now thing without feeling guilty, then arrivederci: go and smell the roses while I and the rest of us guilt-prisoners examine the walls of our cells and ponder our escape.
Let me make clear first of all that I don't want to get rid of guilt completely. I just want it to stay in its place and speak only when necessary. For example to indicate politely that the stone I've just tripped over is exactly the same one I tripped over last week or last year. A kind of unobtrusive, gentle Dr.Watson to my dynamic Sherlock Holmes. What I don't want is to be dominated, harassed, bullied, interrupted and nagged by a mere concept, a chimera, a mirage.
What does it look like anyway? Has anyone ever seen a Guilt? I don't mean the kind that could be and should be haunting you if you've done something really really bad, but just the average, non-descript, irritating voice-over which never stops droning that....uh....what exactly is it droning?
August 14, 2010
PRISM PAINTING IN SLOW PROGRESS
I've been working on it and staring at it so much that I decided to take time off and make a slideshow of some of the stages up to now. There comes a time in every painting, for me anyway, when everything is frozen stiff and something radical must be done in order to get the flow going again. That's where I am at the moment but I haven't yet taken any radical steps.
You can see it over at blip.tv . Unfortunately, the shape of the video screen doesn't allow for the whole height of the painting to show.
August 7 , 2010
FISHING FOR BIRTHDAY WISHES
August 3 , 2010
LATEST STATE OF DNA PAINTING AND PRE-BIRTHDAY REQUESTS
I've been working on it, hoping to finish before my birthday (August 7) but I can't predict what the painting wants to do. Here you see it in my studio and how it sort of flows into the surroundings. I think I'm going to change the title to PRISM . The colours in this photo do not accurately represent the real thing.
Speaking of birthday: can I have some requests as to what you, my loyal visitors, would like as my birthday post? You know, like those radio request programmes. I will try to comply with your wishes, unless they are awkward questions like, how old are you?. The answer to that, my friends, is blowing in the wind.
GO TO MY ARCHIVE TO SEE ALL PREVIOUS BLAUGUSTINE POSTS
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